Film Review - Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Pretty much what I was expecting, but lacking the visual flair I was hoping for from Bekmambetov. The sepia tones, and ink-like blood was an original touch, but not enough to get me overly excited.
It has some decent moments, looks nice, and wraps itself up tidily, but is overwhelmingly slow to the point of tedium. The slow-motion action scenes didn't help.

Film Review - Friends With Kids

I was expecting to sneer cynically along with this film after its initial setup, but instead came out feeling like I'd been hugged for two hours. For me, the best romcoms/romdrams say something recognisable about true love, and this one pays that off nicely. Acutely observed and immensely enjoyable, if possibly a little too neatly wrapped up.

Film Review - Red Tails

Based on a true story that is as infuriating as it is inspiring, this film features an impressive cast of familiar, mostly black, faces and some spectacular scenes of aerial combat.
Unfortunately, it also comes with leaden dialogue, paper-thin characterisations and clichés galore.
It's by no means a waste of your time, but in as much time you'll have probably forgotten all about it.

Film Review - Snow White and the Huntsman

Blimey, that was tedious, even with a half-hour nap. A half-star for the visual effects and another for the dwarfs. Why on Earth would anyone cast Kristen Stewart as the girl who radiates light and life? Even under ageing makeup Charlize Theron's beauty surpasses hers. Avoid.

Film Review - Men In Black 3

After a few years away, Will Smith is back, and is reviving one of his big franchises in the process. Unfortunately, there seems to be a general consensus of "meh", possibly down to the disappointing preceding sequel. However, fans of the first need worry not, as the franchise is back on track.
Things don't begin well. We're introduced to the film's (rather dreadful) big bad, Boris, in an escape scene that is oddly lacking in any sense of drama or excitement, involving a rather baffling cameo from Nicole Scherzinger. This is followed by a funeral for Rip Torn's character "Z" that is played for laughs- but is the first of many jokes that fall flat. It's soon business as usual, as we get the obligatory alien gorefest, this time in NY Chinatown. But all of this is before the plot properly kicks in and, once it does, things begin to look up.
The film truly comes alive once we meet "young" Agent K, played phenomenally well by Josh Brolin. His Tommy Lee Jones impression is spot-on to the point of Oscar-worthy (as if they'd honour such a role). Will Smith's acting has come a long way in the intervening decade, and he's looking uncomfortable in the somewhat childish, wise-cracking role. But of course, Smith's Agent J only really works when playing against the deadpan Agent K, so even though he's a new actor to the franchise, it's only now that Brolin had appeared that we finally feel back in familiar, comfortable territory.
Another interesting addition to the cast of quirky characters is the utterly bizarre, but fascinating Griffin (A Serious Man's Michael Stuhlbarg), an alien who can see all possible outcomes in any situation. He proves to provide a lot more than exposition, and makes for surprisingly enjoyable company.
One of the biggest gripes about blockbusters- especially sequels- is plot and character development. Well, this film has both, in spades. A lot of the jokes that fell flat earlier are actually set-ups for character moments that pay off later; some are of little significance, others prove rather profound. One thing I was not expecting from MiB3 was an emotional pay-off. But, to my pleasant surprise, I received one.

Film Review - Prometheus (in 3D)

The "Alien" prequel that isn't an "Alien" prequel, this has been my most eagerly-anticipated film of the year. I've managed to avoid pretty much everything about it, so did it disappoint?
Well, to be honest, yes. If you're going to reboot a franchise, then you're obviously going to have to live up to what came before. And on pretty much every level, "Prometheus" fails by comparison.
Firstly, a crash course for the uninitiated. In "Alien", we see a giant, dead, humanoid creature (known in the fandom as a Space Jockey, here named as an Engineer) with its chest burst open. The implication is that this creature was piloting a ship that somehow picked up an alien species that has killed the crew and caused a crash landing on moon LV-426. The human crew in "Alien" answer the crashed ship's distress signal, and, unfortunately for them, encounter a field of eggs laid by the stowaway alien species. "Prometheus" gives us some more information about the history of the Engineers, but on moon LV-223 (not LV-426). So it's set in the same universe as Alien, but this isn't dealing with the same story path of the original series.
On the positive side, "Prometheus" is visually spectacular. From the opening shots of breathtaking scenery, to its hi-tech CGI gadgets and back to the familiar Giger designs from the Alien franchise. Every frame is a work of art in a way that only Ridley Scott could photograph. Whilst there are a few moments that arguably make it worthwhile, the 3D is mostly superfluous. There are long sections where you could probably take your glasses off and miss very little.
The cast has its strengths- Noomi Rapace is fabulous as the intelligent, emotional core of the film (but she's no Ripley), Michael Fassbender is superbly ambiguous as android David (but he's no Bishop), and Idris Elba adds some much-needed personality to the crew as the ship's captain (but he's no Hudson).
Unfortunately, the rest of the crew bear more resemblance to the- let's generously call them- characters from the Alien Vs Predator franchise than the Alien franchise. Charlize Theron gives an icy Nicole Kidman impression as The Rich One With The Company's Interest In Mind (but she's no Burke), Guy Pearce is inexplicably cast in unconvincingly heavy prosthetics as an old man (we never see him young, so what was the point?), Logan Marshall-Green is initially charismatic as Rapace's love interest/ science partner (but he's no Hicks), then undermines himself by suddenly losing interest in his own cause, before falling victim to a rather unnecessary plot device. And it's this very device that sets the film off on the wrong tangent.
One of the most frustrating things about a lot of Hollywood movies is their instance on human intervention. In "Jurassic Park", it can't be that the dinosaurs overpower the humans, a human has to disable the security first. And in "Prometheus", we can't simply discover the origins of the Alien species, there must be some level of human interference. Yes, this is a film about creation- where did we come from, and why? Does anyone have the right to destroy a form of life it created?- but we're not allowed to just accept that the Engineers are a random alien species that simply encountered another random alien species. Heaven forbid alien life forms actually interact with other alien life forms without humans being involved in some way, shape or form.
The life cycle of the alien creature has long been established, and although it is tweaked and evolved ever so slightly in each film, the differences are subtle, but the life cycle remains. Egg, face-hugger, chest-burster, fully-grown alien. Not here. Here, it's basically rewritten, and rather than some "aaaah, that's how it started" Eureka moment, it just stinks of bullshit rewriting for the sake of it. I can accept a different evolutionary path under different circumstances, but not so profoundly in a space of 30 years.
But, these criticisms aside, I don't want to make out like I sat there hating this film on any level. I didn't. I was completely captivated for every second, even if the answers I was so eagerly anticipating turned out to be as frustrating as they were intriguing. It's basically a cross between "Alien" and the first "X Files" movie, with a bit of "2001" thrown in.
There is plenty of action and atmosphere to counteract the inaction, just unfortunately it loses the claustrophobia of the original, and there are very few genuine scares. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, slime and tentacles aren't scary. The face-hugger and Giger aliens, on the other hand, are possibly the most terrifying creations in cinema history. Don't try to reinvent the wheel, when it's as perfect as it is.