Film Review - The Vow

You can imagine the pitch. "Here's an idea for a chick flick. Take a true story about love and amnesia, starring her from The Notebook. We clearly won't get Ryan Gosling anymore, so how about that hunky bloke from Dear John instead?" Well, it worked. The film's out and has become a rather sizeable hit in the process. Needless to say, critics aren't getting it. And, whilst it's no The Notebook, fortunately it's no Dear John either.
Despite being happily single, I am a bloke who's rather find of chick flicks. Romcoms, romantic ensembles, melodramas... When they're done right, they can transport you away on an emotional journey, and when they're done wrong they can be alienating and sickening. The Vow falls somewhere between the two. It's not overly saccharine, but it didn't get me welling up, either.
The fact that it's based on a true story helps, adding a gravitas the film might not otherwise deserve. Amnesia is a Hollywood plot staple, so at least they have a legitimate excuse for its use here.
Both leads' perspectives are played evenly, and both Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams give their all. McAdams is frequently good, and here she gives her most convincing performance in a few years, but Tatum in particular manages to squeeze a bit of charm and believability through, rather than his usual impression of a wooden lunk.
The two leads have each so far eluded the household name status they've been chasing for the last decade. As decent as they are here, this film is unlikely to change matters.

Film Review - The Muppets (2011)

They're back! Due to popular demand! Or, to be more accurate, due to popular indifference.
For me, this was another Hugo. A film made with love, for all the right reasons, with good intentions and for the sheer fun of it. But it just didn't work.
The musical numbers would have worked brilliantly in Flight of the Conchords, but just didn't translate to a family audience. Even the usually superb Amy Adams is unrecognisably mediocre, especially after being so magnificent in Enchanted.
Jason Segal, often guilty of overacting for comedic effect, downplays things nicely straight. He is respectful enough to allow the Muppets themselves to hog the spotlight. But this is where the film ultimately falls down.
The multitude of Muppet characters are introduced, each has a moment in the spotlight, but none use the opportunity to really shine. Much is made of Miss Piggy's essential role, yet when she finally turns up she doesn't do much.
The big finale where they get to show us all what we've been missing all these years only proves to show us why they've disappeared.
I loved its energy and enthusiasm, but ultimately I felt that all the goodwill was coming from me, not the film.

Film Review - Journey 2 The Mysterious Island (in 3D)

Journey to the Centre of the Earth was a fun, throwaway piece of cinema that exploited its 3D gimmick (back in the days when there was no extra charge) and was only interested in keeping you entertained whilst upping the spectacle. For me, it succeeded, but it seemed to disappear from the memories of the rest of the world. So the appearance of a sequel so many years later was, to say the least, unexpected, but certainly welcome.
Only Josh Hutcherson remains from the original film, but fortunately he's one of the few child actors that is successfully keeping his career alive whilst transitioning into an adult, balancing the fine line between stroppy and likeable with a consummate ease that's made him one to keep an eye on.
Unfortunately, the same can't be said for High School Musical graduate Vanessa Hudgens, who simply redefines awful. Her father, played by the usually reliable Luiz Guzman, is no better.
As much as it pains me to say it, I've always found Dwayne Johnson (formerly known as The Rock) a charismatic screen presence. Here he takes over from Brendan Fraser and gives a suitably charming, self-effacing performance, particularly in his banter with Michael Caine. Yes, I did say Michael Caine, who is, obviously, phoning it in.
But it's all about the spectacle, and this film delivers. Giant bees and butterflies, beautiful foliage, tiny elephants... Okay, a lot of the CGI is sub-par, but it's all played with such a pleasant sense of adventurous whimsy, I'll forgive it a lot. There's plenty to enjoy here. You just have to allow yourself to do so.

Film Review - Young Adult

As a big fan of Juno, the prospect of its writer and director reuniting for another movie was rather exciting. And I can't say I was disappointed.
Charlize Theron is pitch-perfect as the selfish high school bitch that never grew up, making her as fun to watch as she is deplorable.
Writer Diablo Cody has toned down the too-cool-for-school dialogue to something a bit more realistic, and added an extra edge of bitterness that exactly suited the FTW mood I was in at the time.

Film Review - Martha Marcy May Marlene

One of the darlings of last year's festival season, this was expected to be in for a lot of Oscar attention. It wasn't to be. Elizabeth Olsen (sister to the famous twins) certainly gives a phenomenal performance, and was robbed of an actress nomination. However, it ultimately the film itself that has let her down.
The film is a partial success as a horror/thriller, as it features one or two genuinely uncomfortable moments, and an overwhelming sense of a bleak paranoia. Unfortunately its randomly sporadic storytelling seems to serve no purpose. We see Martha being found, we see her, traumatised, attempting to get back to a normal life, and we see her controlled life as part of an isolated group. But no context is given. We get no revelations, no history, no idea how or why she ended up in this situation, or even who or what this group are. To call them a cult is to be more generous than the film-makers were.
The biggest slap in the face of all comes at the end, as the story is simply abandoned, Coen-brothers-style, and the credits roll. No conclusion, no third act, no closure, no cliffhanger. You could pretty much walk out at any point and have the same cinematic experience. It didn't give me something to think about, other than being cheated.

Film Review - Carnage

I'm not averse to uncomfortable comedy. Ricky Gervais, Fawlty Towers, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Borat all have me chuckling whilst cringing with embarrassment. This just made me cringe. And not just for the characters, but for everyone involved. Think Jodie Foster's a great actress? Think again.

The premise of the film is four adults meet to discuss the action of their children- then behave far more childishly then any children. I get it. Unfortunately, it's not funny. At all. AT ALL. Yes, a lot of it rings true as horribly familiar, and many a true word is spoken in jest, but there needs to be more to jest than loud voices and rude behaviour.

It does make you switch sympathies from time to time, I'll admit. But all it's actually doing is making one character acknowledge someone else's unreasonable behaviour- and then you realise it's coming from an equally unreasonable character. Ultimately nobody's in the right. I know that's the point, but it's just embarrassing to watch. 

Carnage indeed.

Film Review - Haywire

Kick-ass fight scene!

Blah blah blah...

Kick-ass chase scene!

Blah blah blah...

Kick-ass car chase scene!

Blah blah blah...

Blah blah blah...

Blah blah blah...

Not-quite-so-exciting fight scene.

Blah blah blah...

Blah blah blah...

(*checks watch*)

Blah blah blah...

Humongously disappointing climactic fight scene...

Blah... Set up for second climactic fight scene...

The end.

Oh.

If you're going to cram so much exposition and dialogue into an action film, then make it either

a) important

b) interesting

c) emotionally involving

d) revelation(s) of unseen twists

e) at the very least, written well enough to be worth listening to.

f) ANY of the above.

This film opts for none of the above, and, as a result, actually hurts a pretty decent action film by weighing it down with tedium. It'll probably work better on DVD, what with the "chapter skip" option.