Film Review - Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

It's not you, it's me. You lost me at "hello".

This might as well have been set to a foreign language audio track, without subtitles, and set to "shuffle" for all the sense it made to me. Familiar face after familiar face are presented (rather than introduced) on-screen as their names, roles, relationships, etc. appear far too trivial for such a complex piece. Unfortunately, such information is absolutely essential for me to follow such a film, so the second they mention someone and you ask yourself "which one's that?", you're pretty much tapped on the shoulder and asked to leave the dancefloor, as from thereon in you don't stand a chance.

I literally (and I literally mean LITERALLY) cannot remember ever caring less about anyone or anything on-screen. I may as well have been watching football. I can't say I hated it, as not one character was interesting enough to hate, let alone root for. There was a moment I would have happily given Tom Hardy a big "there there" hug, but it likely had little to do with the film. The only time I perked up over the tedious two hours was when I realised Benedict Cumberbatch reminded me of the alien from Close Encounters.

The film looks gorgeous- the direction is beautiful and patient. Unfortunately I'm not. Not without some kind of pay-off, anyway. Director Alfredson's previous film, the sublime Let The Right One In, had a similar directorial approach. However, that film had an emotional core, an involving narrative, intriguing characters and multiple pay-off moments that rewarded your patience. This has none of the above.

I'm not trying to persuade anybody this is a bad film. I'm sure it isn't and would happily put money on it now to win Best Picture at next year's Oscars (and I'll bet my life on the BAFTAs). If it worked for you, good for you, you must be cleverer than I am. For me, I'd have to say the emperor had no clothes on.

If only...

(c) SRW 2011. All opinions are mine. If you like what you read, all the better; if not, other opinions are available.